I get a lot of questions from women who have great trust issues with their men.
So I thought I would talk about it.
I know there are women out their who cheat too. That’s another blog for another day. It is just that I just get so many questions from women who seem to feel defined by what their guy does and are so consumed by their inability to control the situation.
There are all kinds of reasons women are mistrustful. Some have been hurt in the past. Some are with guys that they have caught doing the wrong thing. Sometimes we borrow mistrust from those around us who have been hurt.
Before you know what to do about your mistrust you have to answer the question – why?
Is HE truly untrustworthy or are YOU afraid. Or as is often the case is it some of both.
I don’t believe in ‘once a cheater always a cheater.’ I think people can do wrong and turn the corner. You have to be a strong person to make that work though. They have to work to regain your trust but you have to respond to that effort by learning to trust.
That doesn’t mean you ignore the wrong but you have to assess the risk.
If, however, someone keeps showing you that he is not trustworthy then that’s what that is. The fact that you love him and have been wonderful to him does not change who they are. You can’t wish it away or constrain it away. Playing inspector gadget is no way to live. The world won’t end when a person who keeps hurting you goes away.
I guess the one thing I would love women to understand is that the more you value yourself, the more capable and strong and interesting you are the more attractive you are not just to your man but to yourself.
Whether he stays or goes you’ll always be with you. You have to be happy with that person.
The only answer in the end is to trust and work on yourself. Not be defeated or angry. Don’t just play defense and insist that you need no one. That is a self fulfilling prophecy.
Just be comfortable with who you are and if you aren’t do more. Get better. Make your own joy in a positive pursuit. The better you feel about you the less susceptible you are to what the rest of the world does to you. Including the man you love but can’t seem to trust.
Don’t worry about trusting him.