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Can’t seem to trust

June 26, 2012 Uncategorized No Comments

I get a lot of questions from women who say that they are caught in the habit of being jealous and angry even though their significant other doesn’t seem to be doing anything wrong.

If you do not like what you are doing you CAN change. First you have to understand that you are more in charge of how you feel than you think. You have to learn to handle your emotions a little bit at a time. There is nothing you can do or say that will all of a sudden make you trust him but there are things you can do to stop all of the fussing and accusing.

Here’s how to change how you behave (some of it sounds silly but it works)

1. Write it down. “Yelling doesn’t help it makes it worse.” look at that everyday. Keep a diary of what you fuss about and how upset you got. Debrief yourself at the end of the day. People do stuff because they are carried away in the moment. If you have a game plan for your attitude you will be in a position to handle it better.

2. Give it Voice: Before you start say “I am grown. I choose what I do. I will be cool.”

3. Walk away until you get it together.

4. Remind yourself, the fussing pushes him away. It does not pull him to you. Why make yourself miserable with him? What’s the point in that?

5. Let’s say you do catch him cheating, then what? Will you die? Will you lose your job? Will you go to jail? Put it in perspective. It may be the end of the relationship but it is not the end of the world. He does not define you. You do.

6. If you find that whether or not you have a man has begun to define you, you need to stop worrying about him and work on you. Find something that makes you better. A passion. A pass time. Volunteer. More education. If he is a part of your life and not your whole life this will do 3 things:

# makes you more confident and comfortable on a day to day basis which will – in and of itself – help you be less jealous.

# Puts you in a position to still feel good about yourself if the relationship does end.

# makes you more attractive to your mate so it will be less likely to end.

THEN AGAIN IF HE IS CHEATING . . . WELL THAT’S A BLOG FOR ANOTHER DAY.

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