The Round Table at Wendy!
Hello!
I had a great trip out east. I was on the Wendy Williams Show, The Morning Buzz and Showbiz Tonight along with local appearances on morning news in Philly and NYC.
Since I have returned I answered several questions that some of you have asked as comments to my prebious post: “Ask JudgeLynn” So you might want to check those comments if you have asked me a question.
If you want to ask one now just add a comment to this post. I can’t get to them all but I will answer those that I think I have a useful response to.
You guys have a great day!
GM Judge,
I need some advice because I almost feel like I could hurt someone. I just graduated from Miller-Motte Tech in Sept for Billing and Coding. I managed to land a job upstairs from the school. Since I have been there, there has been nothing but drama. This could be because it is 99% female. I am a female that does not work well with other females, because I don’t like drama. I have been pulled in the office on 2 different occasions. The first incident was that I should be working on my own after 2 weeks of 1 on 1 training doing 4 different lines of business, plus stopping to do that mail twice a day. Mind you, at the time I was only working 4 hrs a day. The second incident was that the overall manager “heard” that I said she and another supervisor were talking about a young lady that quit. I explained to her that I had not done anything, I was only trying to defuse the situation because the young lady was about to have an outer body experience on them (if you know what I mean). I come to work, put my Ipod on and tune out everything that is going on around me. I do this just to eliminate myself for any workplace drama. Since then I have received 1 more hour of work (so now I’m at 5 hrs) and on top of all that I was doing, they have added data entry. I have had people take shots at me left and right, about me wearing sneakers or my jeans having holes. (not management the other hens in the hen house). I am a 37 yr old mother of 5. How would I look coming to work with holes in my clothes? Because I have a large family doesn’t mean that I don’t know who to dress and conduct myself. I have inquired about FT work. I was told they do not see having any FT positons in the near future but are still hiring people. I have been consistently applying to different places. My husband said that we will be alright but I can’t see me putting that type of stress on him, especially because I took the time off to go to school. What do you think I should do in the meanwhile until something comes along? Because I see things going left if they keep pushing me.
You can’t change other people; you can only change yourself. If what you are currently doing at work isn’t working you have to try something else. You can teach people how to treat you. Stop thinking about how you don’t work well with other women. That’s a self fulfilling prophecy. People can read how you feel in the way you behave. If you put your Ipod on an absent yourself socially at work you make yourself an outsider and a target.
If you want people to respect you you have to present that way. You have to engage them in positive manner. Don’t get pulled into situations. Be polite and friendly. Refuse to gossip but do it nicely. “Oh I don’t like to comment on what I don’t know about. Just trying to keep my own act together.” then laugh. Look at everyone you work with and find something you can appreciate about them. Then mention it. “You know, you always have on the sharpest shoes.”
Successful people create the atmosphere in which they work. You have more power than you think but that power rests with your ability to adjust what you do. Nothing changes overnight. Work the edges. Don’t get angry. Get intrigued. Ask yourself “How can I change this one thing?” Try things that you wouldn’t normally do. Don’t let how you feel get in the way of what you need to change.
Good luck. Be positive. You have a job . . . in this economy. Start your day off with that though and keep it close to you all day. If you bring light into a dark situation others will see it.
Your tihkning matches mine – great minds think alike!
I can’t claim to have a great mind but it’s nice to know when people share your point of view! Have a great day!
I heard the Easter Bunny & Tooth Fairy are fighting…Tooth Fairy said all the candy from the Easter Bunny is resulting in a lot of rotten teeth! Do you think this feud will ever end?
Okay just playing with you..stopping by to say Hi!
ALWAYS LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU RUTHIE!!!!! However . . . nothing will ever be more funny than I-DA-HO . . . nothing.
I can’t even mention the state with out smiling.
Hi Judge,
I really need some advice. I have a friend that was in my life since I was the age 10 and I am now 47. She is about 8 years older than I. Through out the years we did not do alot of communicating but we would hit each other every now and then on email. We met up at a conference some years ago, and a person that she introduce me too who really was not a friend of hers but they attended the same church wanted to hang out with me, because I am alot of fun. This friend like hanging out with me immediately but the two of them would clash heads. When my mother past she came to the funeral was very supportive. I saw aside of my friend that I had never experience and I could not understand it. I have experience alot in life and I have matured very quickly from my experiences. My friend started being very nasty and negative towards me. I did not know if it had to do with me maturing and their was some jealousy or if it had to do with this person she introduce me too. I am not one for women drama so I told her that I think the friendship had come to the end of its season. Recently,I gave her a call because I felt maybe I had ended the relation too abruptly. While talking her she began to cry and ask me to forgive her and she wanted to make the friendship right. When I ask her what was going on with her and why did she do what she did. She blamed it on her doing drugs at the time and her memory was altered. I am a firm believer that drugs enhance what you are really feeling it is not the core of the problem. Being that I believe that she has some under feelings concerning me and will not address it how can I have a friendship that I do not trust. I am the type of person that you can reveal your true self to me. I can handle it and she knows that about me. She is excited because we have been talking through email but I do not want to give her any false hope that our friendship is where it use to be. I told her I had to take one day at a time and pray about this.I have trust issues and I do not want people close to me that I do not trust. How do you see this?
You know, when people treat you a certain way it usually has more to do with them than with you. Friends go through things that change them. Rarely do they sit around and wonder how their problems effect you. In your question you talk about your needs, what you believe, how you are and that you expect her to know that. when people are going through stuff they act on how they feel about their own situation and often lose sight of other things. It’s human nature.
She is who she is. She has a whole life: needs – problems and personality quirks that have nothing to do with you. You can’t take who other people are personally. She told you she had drug problems and you decided that it just amplified how she feels about you. If I learned anything from my years n the bench is drugs change people. People who are using hurt their families friends and anyone else around them when they are caught up. Drug addicts do some awful things when they are using. You really can’t take it personally.
A good friend can understand that people go through things and help them out when they have been in a mess even if that mess made them less than nice to you for a while. I like to forgive people when they do me wrong. It is part of being a Christian. Doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship that is not positive for you. But if you forgive and try to be comforting in her time of need you might find that that was what she really needed. If not what have you lost? You did the good Christian thing (which is not always easy and often involves some self sacrifice) and it didn’t work. You forgive, keep your distance and move on.
It’s a friendship. There are all kinds. Close ones, tentative ones, sometimey ones. You establish the kind you want by the time frequency and nature of your contact. You don’t have to share your inner most thoughts with her. I have light friends who I hang with and talk to about everyday stuff. I have heavy friends who I bear my soul to. If you can’t handle the fact that she may harbor some unexpressed negative feeling for you then tag her as a light friend and keep it moving.
Thanks Judge awesome advice. I feel that my challenge for this season is to learn how to categorize relationships and not take things personally as you said. Also, I feel that I need to re-evaluate how I see things
concerning people, being that I too have come from so many challenges in life and it has taken years of therapy to get me to the place that I am today.Being that I had to grow up so fast in life and on my own so young,I was never nurtured in how to really manage relationships. I do not want to come across to anyone as judgmental. What is human nature to most seems to be so complicated for me. Your response just made everything look so much easier and to top it off you ended with my favorite saying ,” Keep it Moving.” I have never been married or have children but I watch divorce court just to get knowledge on how you analyze a situation and how you come to your conclusion. Some days I get it and some days I don’t, but it does help me broaden my understanding.
Thanks again, I appreciate you.
You sound like a LEARNER. A person who really looks to see past where they are and move forward. Some people would have been annoyed with my answer. I am so glad you took it as it was intended. I wish you the best. I really do. It is tough to see yourself . . . sometimes you just need a little peek from the other side. Take care and . . . .
KEEP IT MOVING! LOL
My wish for you on your upcoming “special day” is that you’re surrounded by true friends and loving family! Watching Divorce Court has become my latest guilty pleasure. I admire your no-nonsense way of dealing with any issue. Your book will definitely be on my Christmas wish list.
All the best to you and yours,
Linda Misuraca
Thank you so much!
Good morning Judge,
Happy Birthday!!!…I wish you all the success that heaven has stored up for you. I saw you Iast night on Dr. Drew and I was so proud of you. Proud of the fact that you have back bone to call a spade a spade although it is in your own camp and that takes boldness. I have strong feelings when it comes to injustices but little tolerance when people abuse their power. You hit it right on the nail. It is time for people to have integrity with their titles. This does not only imply to judges but preachers as well. The problem that I have is how do you tear down a broken system and rebuild it. As you said last night the penalty is usually a slap on the wrist for those in head positions who abuse their power. There is a class action in progress right now in queens against judges in the social security offices. We are told when we have a problem in the system go to our councilman, yet our coucilman and councilwomen has been hit with charges of corruption. Where does it stop so it can begin a new?.
People hate change that is why it has been such a challenge for Obama. Trying to make the wrongs right. Tell me how do you think in a twisted world that see bad as good and good as bad. Watching you has given me reason to dream again.
On a lighter note enjoy your day and I tell you what you told me on my 45th birthday. REACH…into your soul…out into the world… beyond what you have done… beyond who you currently are. I am doing that. You might want to consider running for the presidency after these next four years. The first African -American woman President . President Lynn Toler.
Keep it Moving!!! LOL
P.S. I was told my grandmother was the first African -American to go to Yale university on scholarship for there summer programs. I do know that she worked closely with Adam Clayton Powell in establishing programs in Harlem and she was the first chairperson of an Alcohol Annoynomus Club for Abyssinian Church and the Director of nursing in many facilities.
JL , you were great on wendy (and you looked great) and i saw your Dr. Drew segment , you should be a regular at someones roundtable, i like the wendy rountable, HInt
You always share good stuff. I have said to you, many times how you have help me and you dont even know.
Please continue to do what you are doing !
ThankYou some much Sheila! I am trying to spread my wings a bit. Thanks for noticing!
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