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April 28, 2015 Uncategorized 14 Comments

Hello all. Telisha asked what I thought of Baltimore and I answered her in the comments. But I thought I would speak to it again …

I hope things get better in Baltimore soon.

I hope Freddie Gray’s death doesn’t simply become a reason for violence as opposed to another lesson on legitimate concerns in the black community about its relationship with the police.

I also hope we don’t lose the lessons of Baltimore’s underlying distress in the cacophony of riots.  Baltimore was already a tinder box of despair. Deprivation that deep and pervasive is easily ignited and urging calm where such poverty and discontent persists is asking people to return to a peace and calm they didn’t have. Doesn’t mean in can’t and shouldn’t happen but it will be a harder sell.

We need to do a deep culture check. What are we going to do when hopelessness pervades such a large segment of a community? It garners no attention when the chaos and calamity is self contained. But there are people who live that day to day. We cannot forget that. The rioters are a subset of a larger community that suffers greatly.

There is no one reason for the problems that afflict Baltimore and other cities like it. I think  density of settlement issues during mass northern migrations contributed, as did the de-industtrualization of the economy. These (and other) problems were, I believe, exacerbated by draconian drug laws that have created a state of constant criminality  in a community. Cultural issues have arisen too. So much is wrong it’ s hard to know where to start.

That said, check out Mass Incarceration on Trial by J Simon, On the Run by A. Gottman if you are interested in the unintended consequences of certain well-intended(?) laws.

We also have to look at ourselves, not just history, government and laws. .We need to do a deep culture check not just on obvious racism but on the ‘Them and Us’ mentality. If authority, in any form, sees a ‘Them’ and not an ‘Us,’ the danger conclusion is just a little bit easier to come to, the use of force is just a little bit easier to go to. And that little bit may not be much. It may be hard to quantify or to see, but that little bit can be the difference between the right thing and the thing that we keep seeing. That’s a soft skill, long lesson, hard story to get to the end of kind of process… which we can’t afford to avoid.



Renewed Vigor

April 27, 2015 Uncategorized 23 Comments

Good morning all!Photo on 4-25-15 at 8.24 AM

It’s funny. I feel like I am home again. Thank you to my OCMs for giving me a new sense of excitement about this thing.

First, let me explain the OCM thing for those of you  who are new here. I blogged almost everyday for 2 years(?) and a few of my constant commenters became friends with each other. It was funny.

Then I got blog weary and I stopped.

I liked blogging. I like having new people come on board and share the ups and downs of our everyday with each other. So I’m going to take another run at it.

Second, welcome to all of you who have registered and those of you have commented. I hope to have a vibrant community here. It will take time but I’m going to give it a shot.

I’ll still be answering questions at AskJudgeLynn. If you go there please start a new topic thread. (You will find it at the bottom of the AskJudgeLynn page)

But here, I’m just chit chatting. So to bring everybody up to speed there has been a fair amount of newness in my life:

1. BigE and I have downsized. Bought a new house with less bedrooms because 5 and 6 (I number our six boys) are out of the house. Love my boys but I don’t want them to get confused by all those bedrooms we had and mistake them for an invitation to move back in. lol!

2. People are asking me to write a new book but I’m struggling with the topic. Suggestions? I want to find something I know about and am passionate about.

3. I learned how to cook a really good lemon pie. I want my props!

4. I have been making fairly regular appearances on WeTV’s Marriage BootCamp. I’ll keep you posted on appearance dates.

But more importantly than all of that:

5. I am learning to love my Mondays. I used to see them as the beginning of  the to time to tackle problems.  I always have the issues in full view and the possibilities, though pursued,lurk around in the back of my head taking their jolly good time in making themselves a priority.

But not long ago I was working with a guy (he and I are working on a new project by the way … if it looks like it will come to fruition I’ll tell you about it) … anyway he who said to me “I LOVE Monday. It is so full of possibilities. I have a whole five working days to discover, create and move forward.”

I am trying to adopt that creed. So


Work it like a job …






Hey, how are You?

April 26, 2015 Uncategorized 25 Comments

Hello everyone!  So many of you have registered here to comment and I want to welcome you all.Photo on 4-25-15 at 1.47 PM #2

I am also going to confess to continued technical difficulties answering questions. If you’ve asked and it’s still in moderation don’t lose hope, I’m still trying to catch up. sometimes I leave them there as a signal to get to them and answer them.
If I don’t answer please don’t get offended. I do the best I can but I can only do so much.

Also you don’t have to have a problem to drop in and say hello. Comment on the post, let me know who you are.

I hope to be able to give a shout out to you!

Also, are any of my OCMs out there? (and you know who you are!) Check in and let me know how you’re doing.

You guys have a great day.



A Good Night

April 25, 2015 Uncategorized 13 Comments




This is me an my, I got you, don’t worry about it, girl, you know what I mean, running buddy, Desi!

We were at the Creative Emmy’s last night. Third nomination …. still no hardware.  But it was a good night.

I got to see my glam squad, Val and Rick aka Genius and Genius Incorporated. The tricked us both out and we always have fun laughing and talking. It was Rick’s birthday started celebrating while we were getting ready.

Don’t get me wrong the ceremony was looooooooooong. They didn’t get to our category until 11:30 pm and I’m a woman looking to go to be at 9:30. I thought they were going to have to feed me coffee intravenously.

Anyway, I got to meet Marilyn Milan from People’s Court. After all these years in the biz we had never crossed paths.  She is extraordinarily nice. She won too. I hugged her. She was so sweet.

Then there was an after party and I went. Everybody had stayed there for so long. All the producers. They are the backbone of the show. Love them all.

So all in all it was a good night. Not going to lie, I am a little woozy this am but I’m hanging.

You guys have a good one.






She Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

April 22, 2015 Uncategorized 3 Comments

Hello all,

I was doing a video for Divorce Court about recognizing your own faults and weaknesses so you can work on  them before they work on you. As I always say:

Name it and Claim it so you can Tame it.

In the second half of the video I was going to give everyone an example of how it’s done by reading the part of my book, My Mother’s Rules, in which I named and claimed all my oddities.

Turns out that woman doesn’t live here anymore.

To be sure I still have a multitude of flaws, faults and oddities but they are different now. I am different now. I was pleased to see it.

You can be true to yourself without being glued to yourself. 

So which chick left and who’s in her place?

1. The woman who could work any worry into a catastrophe, while not gone, rarely gets a hearing anymore. She’s still there to be sure but when I see her I can give the hand, “Bye, Felicia!”

2. The Whiz Past Woman has left the building. There was a time I was moving so fast and casting such a wide net I couldn’t catch any details. Though I can still go as fast and I can still cast a wide net, I can pick and choose when to do it. Though I will never be ultra precise, details now have a hope of a hearing at the crib.

3. The little girl whose peace was in pieces all the time has simply grown out of it. Took her 50 years but she’s gone. I can find peace On the Regular. Not On the Always but On the Regular …

All Positive Change is Welcomed. I feel good.






Making Marriage Work

My Mother's Rules

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