Answers
Thanks for responding! I have a few suggestions here for people who have asked questions. If any of you had any ideas about these situations this is a place where we can all learn so please share. I’ll try to get back here in the next couple of days and answer more. Remember, I am just trying to hep you look at what’s going onion a different way, one that might open your eyes to other options.
To Tonya C: You spoke of a difference in maturity levels between you and your partner. You say “he does not seem to want to listen, or even comprehend my words or my feelings well enough to help resolve our issues.”
Here’s the thing about communication, if you are trying to get your point across you can’t concentrate on what you want them to understand. You have to first understand how the other person thinks and feels. The more you understand what the other person is thinking and feeling and why the better able you will be to get them to understand your position.
Once you think you understand where they are tell them what you think they feel and think. Tell them you understand their position and then address their concerns and slowly walk them to where you want to be.
Von Vitto I’m with you. Going through magazines and saying who you’d like to sleep with etc. is silly. I’m not sure how old you are or how old the women are that you deal with but if they are not in high school your problem may be more about the type of women around you. If they behave like that you might want to start to do new things and meet new women. I don’t know anybody who does that kind of nonsense. So you might want to upgrade your companions!
In Law Problems: A couple of you have written in about problems with in-laws. You have to get your situation straight with your spouse first and send that spouse in to deal with them. If it seems like they are on the same side, change what you are asking for. Don’t ask that they not give them time or money but for some input in how and when you do it. More of a “I know you love your mom, let’s work this out so it works for everybody” Changing the tenor of the conversation can change it’s outcome.
Mikeisha: You know, being in a committed relationship requires you to deny sexual attraction even if you are not bisexual. I am attracted to men but I picked this one so I can’t entertain any attractions to others. I am no expert on bisexuality so I am not sure that helps you but you can’t be in a relationship with someone because it makes your family happy. You have to decide if this person is someone you are willing to work to be exclusive with and then work that.
Loretta: It might help if you reframed what you want from him. Ask him to do small specific things – to help you out – not because he ought to or should want to but because you are collapsing under the weight of what you have to do. It is easier to get small compromises that look like favors when you are renegotiating your deal.
PEACE.
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