First I want to thank all of you who answered my: ” what do you think?” questions on Facebook. I really do want to understand what I so often see.
I read a lot. I talk to the people on my show. I pepper my friends with “How do you? questions” I read what’s going on on the internet . . .
as an aside, some of the stuff I see going on between men and women on line is scary. So much anger and derision. I suppose there is no hurt like a love hurt and that would lead to anger but wow . . . it gets so universalized. all women aren’t the same . . neither are all men.
That said, we do have tendencies. One which I witnessed a lot in your answers to today’s question “what one thing would you tell you spouse/significant other that s/he doesn’t seem to get?”
I think the thing everybody has to keep in mind is that it feels differently. My husband and I can hear and see the very same thing but get something totally different from it. The thing you have to remember is there is no one RIGHT way to feel. You have to understand that it DOES feel different and come to some accommodation about what needs to be done.
For instance that women need to be heard thing.
That used to make my hubby and I both crazy. He couldn’t understand why I kept telling him about stuff I didn’t want him to do anything about and I did not understand how frustrating it was to E to think that he should be solving something and that’s not what needs to be done.
But once I explained how comforting it was for him to hear me he began to look at the listening, in and of itself, as the solution . He made me feel better and it doesn’t cost him anything but a few moments of his time to quench that thirst even if he doesn’t share it. Moreover, I help him know when that’s what I want by saying so . . . Just give the brother a heads up with “Hon. Can I just say this?” That’s his cue to sit back and soak it in.
Trust me we haven’t gotten it all figured out sometimes we just look at each other and think “What the hell just happened here?” It’s a process.
Thanks for joining in the discussion, though.
Have any of you learned something about communicated across gender that you would like to share?
PLAY NICE PEOPLE
I am interested in resolution not revolution.