Judge Lynn.com

1. Got a lot of sleep the other day so I had a lot of energy.

2. I played tennis – improvement continues. I am so excited! (thanks for asking about my progress 09).

3. Hit an all time culinary low the other day. Boomy was getting ready for baseball practice and needed a snack before he left. I told him finish dressing and I'll make you some Ramon noodles. He stopped in his tracks. "Uh. . . . " he said, "Can you have dad make them?

I say "what? it's Ramon noodles. You throw them in some water and put the packet sauce on them."

Boomy: "When dad does it it turns out better."

It appears it DOES matter how much water you put in the pot. E pointed that out.

Also found out the other day that when you make French Toast you are not supposed to leave the bread soaking in the egg milk mixture. You know what happens when you do? You have bread that is both soggy and burnt at the same time.

5. Been painting a lot. Not much improvement there – just peace of mind. Here's he only one I am not completely embarrassed for people to see. It's side ways so turn your head to the right to look at it how it is supposed to be.

My initial response is AAAAHHHHHHHHH! Mission impossible! But that's just and emotional thing. These people can be hard. I note the great joy the exception to that rule as demonstrated by the young members of My Crew. You go girls!

I had no great and immediate thoughts on the matter. I usually have one or two. But I came up blank for a minute but I promised so here it is.

This is an issue raised by a new crew member. She wanted to know how she could help a teenaged cousin to do the right thing about his education. I have gotten this one a lot as well. Never attempted to answer it before but, as I said, I promised.

Problem is I have been thinking about it for a while but have yet to come up with what I feel is anything of real value. Worse yet, I do not think any more time devoted to the issue will help. I did some reading on it. (but I gotta tell you, I thought what I read was dumber than what small pieces of wisdom I have so I am going to go with my experience and my gut.) I am going to give you what I have and let the rest of you chime in with anything you might want to offer. As they say, it takes a village. . . . .

1. My first point is the only one I am very sure of. You have got to know your kid. I have had 6 sons. Four step sons. They were adolescents when I met them form ages 9 to 17.

None of them did the same thing and none of them had the same reasons or motivations for doing anything they did. One stayed in trouble and now he is successful happy married. . . . One never got in trouble and he is successful – unmarried by choice (the boy is gorgeous and having fun) and happy.

The ones I made from scratch, known here as Boomy and 17, are as different as night and day. The advice and guidance I give 17 would send Boomy straight to jail. What Boomy gets from me would send 17 to the loony bin.

I said all of this to say you have to know who you are dealing with. The first question is not: What to I do? But: Who is this person? What is his emotional picture? What does he love, hate, fear, want? Until you answer those questions you can't help them. Because:

2. (and this is something Mom told me) She said "I asked myself not how do I make them (my sister and I) study but how do I make the WANT to study?" My sister and I were like night and day too. Polar opposites. She wanted us to want to do what we needed to do. In order to do that she needed to know what made us tick and show us how studying will allow us to do what we want.

3. Change. I give this piece of advice any time I give any advice. More of the same will get you just that. I used to yell at Boomy. I don't anymore. I stay calm and I take away what he wants until I get what I want from him. He is currently on restriction. No friends. Progress report was howling. He is very social. I told him no friends until your report card comes in and I see what I like.

Last night I asked him how his homework was going. He said I raised my english grade from 73 to 77. my response "Good job but remember you're not doing this for me, think of each well done homework assignment as a step towards a social life. "

Anyway the lesson is you have to try new things if the old ones aren't working. Suggestions?

A. Usually angry is counter productive with teens. They tend to like to buty heads, dismiss you as crazy person etc. Although I must say, strong male figure doesn't hurt. Pops can go pop at any time and it's not fun. They try and work with me so they don't have to get to him.

B. Which leads me to my second suggestion: Strong lines. Don't be wishy washy. " If you don't do A you don't get B." "No earning or learning you can't live with me." "18 ad out" "I want you to work now so you can have a good life later – which, by the way you will have to provide for yourself because I don't do charity work" Be straight forward but calm. BY THE WAY THIS IS FOR BOYS. I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ADOLESCENT GIRLS. THEY ARE MUCH MORE COMPLICATED AND I HAVE NEVER WORKED THAT JOB.

C. Maybe he has no idea how that you can do what you love and get paid for it. Show him avenues to get paid for what he likes to do. Spoke to a group of underachieving kids once. (around 12) Asked them what they liked to do? And they were obnoxious – told me the most outrageous stuff. One said I like to Blow things up. I suggested becoming an expert that implodes old buildings or mine blasting.

D. Expose them. They think they know everything. They haven't seen things that aren't around them that they really want and can really love. Get out there. Go on the internet find places they can go and see. Groups organizations. Its hard and this is for younger folks but if you know someone with an interesting gig. Hook them up with a look see.

Well, that's all I have. Yet again, no magic.

Any thoughts?

Woke up at 4 am, you know what that means. Something's on my mind. This time, however, unlike most days, I know EXACTLY what it is. Stepping out into new adventures is hard. Battling in a new arena. Don't know all of the rules yet. Growth is disconcerting.

I see we have new visitors reaching out on the blog. Always nice to see that. Welcome! You will love my Crew. They are good people.

Something wonderful happened to me the other day. I received interest on a Love Deposit I never thought I would get. A Love Deposit is my name for the good things you do for other people for no other reason than you are in a position to do them.

For years I ran this groups for at risk girls. I became close to one and we stayed in contact for quite a while. We lost touch but she found me the other day. She is stepping up and moving forward. I can't say how much (if anything) my involvement with her helped, but I grew to care for her and it is nice she is doing so well and took the time to reach back to me.

By the way, Jan, my darlin', you can ramble all you want!!!! You know our prayers are with you for your son. (see her comment on my MySpace page).

When I get something together I am going to write a blog called The Third Option. I talk all of the time about women who are in relationships they find difficult and I get the question should I stay or leave. Of course, I don't give specific advice but I like to share what questions I would ask myself and different avenues I have tried.

I have mentioned it a couple of times. Staying or leaving are not always the only options. Staying and changing the nature of the relationship is the third option. (mind you, if you are being abused this does not apply to you – you need to reach out for help so you can leave and do so SAFELY).

But if you are – as one of our new members said – emotionally starved or the like there may be a third option. Changing the dynamic of the relationship. Hard stuff. Counseling often can help with that. (even if you can't get him to go you can go and learn how to change what you are doing in a manner that will change the nature of the relationship.)

But this is a deep topic and I want to think about it more. I've done it, though. It was hard and it requires continued effort. But hopefully I have learned something from the process that I can generalize and share.

Had some family business to take care of that took me out of town. Went through San Francisco. Met one of the Oakland Raiders there (not a current player but one who was on the team when they won the Super Bowl.)

He was so funny. He pulled one of my favorite moves. He knew he knew me from somewhere but couldn't quite place me. He didn't want to seem like he didn't remember someone he knew personally so he greeted me like and old friend and said "so good to see you again" All of the while I am sure his mind was workin' "Where do I know this woman from?"

I get that a lot and I do that a lot. It's hard to know who you've met and seen and those you haven't but who have seen you and feel like they know you.

I said "Divorce Court." He laughed. Then he let me put on his Super Bowl ring and we took a picture. Here it is. I know it will show up sideways but for the life of me I can't figure out how to rotate it.

As always my Crew is on the case. Thank you Ruthie!!!!

Within minutes of posting my inability to find the Blog: Testosterone: What It Is and Why I Like It" Ruthie found it for me.

So here's my Friday's post in advance:

An Homage to Maleness

Testosterone – What it is and Why I like it

Of course we all know that testosterone is a hormone. Both men and women have it but men have more and in the womb its part of what makes the baby develope male sexual characteristics. Now of course I'm not talking about that today when I say 'Testosterone – What it is and why I like it.' I only said that to say there is a biological basis for our differences.

Anyway, more often than not, people come on 'Divorce Court' because the woman in the relationship has had her heart broken and wants to be heard. I think men have their hearts broken just as much but because of our societal 'men can't show emotion' bias they aren't as comfortable saying "Love has made a fool of me" on national TV as women are. So I don't get to say all the good stuff about men as often as I would like. (and frankly sometimes when I do it gets edited out because its not as exciting as when I fuss at people) So this is my opportunity to do so:

FAIR WARNING: I get that what I am saying here are generalizations. All men and women are individuals with their own special character but in general men and women do think and feel differently on a lot of levels. The things is you can't say one is better than another – just different and each side has some negative and positive aspects to the way they are. That having been said:

1. The male ego, though often bashed for it's unpleasant ramifications, pushes men to do. This supercgarged desire for more has authored a great deal of good in terms of progress that has made our lives so much easier.

It is also what makes my husband willing, with great ease, to suffer harm for me. Its what makes my sons defend me. If a man has pulled you to him and loves you their egos defend you against all comers, as well, because any swipe at you swipes at them as well.

2. I like the way men seem to get over things easily. They don't ruminate over who said what and how they said it and all of that. I can really give my sons what for and they take it move on. They don't keep going over it. I'll still be upset and want to talk about it later. All they want is dinner. Once I feed them all is well. My husband is the same way. I can't tell you how many times he's looked at me with utter surprise and said, 'I thought this fight was over"

3. I like the way they look and feel. (I am not going to elaborate on this one. I think it speaks for itself)

4. I like their immediacy and occasional bravado. My husband often makes me go out and have a good time. My dad was the same way. I think men have a great sense of abandon and are less likely to worry about things.

5. I like the way they look and feel. (Did I mention that already?)

6. I also think men in American culture need to be applauded for the manner in which they have responded to women demanding equality. Power is not an easy thing for anyone to relinquish and while their is still sexism, I think every generation has been more and more willing to accept that equality. It's not like that everywhere. Men here are sometimes being asked to be sensitive and strong at the same time and don't quite have a clear indication what we're looking for and their role. But they are working on it. I see it all over. That's huge.

I have a husband and six sons and I am crazy about all of them. The house feels different when they are all here with me. There is an energy about them that I love.

For what it's worth.

I received a great message from one of the men who read my blog on MySpace. Which, I must say, made me very happy because I love to hear from the guys.

Anyway, he said he liked the show where the guy with the sunglasses (he had an eye problem) and dreads was on his show and I took his wife to task because her complaint was that "he was too nice." Rarely do I say people are stupid on the show. I say a lot of negative things as they apply but I think stupid is a very deep thing to call someone. I made an exception in her case.

This guy on MySpace said he would like me to put together a "Good Guy" tape that highlighted the good men that come on the show. I thought that was a good idea and I will pass it along. (whether the powers that be agree to do it is another thing but there is no harm in asking)

Having raised that issue, I would like to take this opportunity to address something that bothers me about the show. I pay attention, you know, to what we do on the show and how it appears. And sometimes I get the "You are too hard on the men thing" and I would like to reply to that perception. (which I understand)

1. The main reason it appears this way is that we can only tape the cases we get. And as a rule women who have been "done wrong" are more willing to come on the show that men in similar situations. Guys are less likely to want to make the 'she cheated on me and made of fool of me' thing public. Some are, but the 'he did me wrong' cases come in at a much higher rate than the 'she did me wrong' cases. I can only work with what I get.

2. Some people also note that I tend to start with the woman much more often than I start with the guy. That's true (although we've been trying hard to change that up) But the reason we start with the women more often is that I have about 20 minutes of air time with the couple (Half hour show but you have to factor in commercials). So the biggest criteria for who we start with is: who can get the bare bones of the story out the quickest and the cleanest.

Well, typically women talk a lot more about their problems, You know what we do. Tell everybody and they momma what's going on (yea, that's right ladies we need to go ahead and cop to that!! : ) I am, as Big E is found of saying, quite "the reporter" Once he asked me: "Is there anything that goes on in this house that your mother doesn't know about?"